Drunk again.

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees 3 men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says, "Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk......

What's that officer ??

A drunk biker is riding through the city and his bike is weaving violently all over the road. An Irish cop pulls him over. The cop says to the biker, "Where have you been?" "I've been to the pub," slurs the biker. "Well," says the cop, "It looks like you've had quite a few." "I did all right," the biker says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell off the bike?" "Oh, thank heavens" sighs the biker. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

It's Supernatural !!

An expert on the supernatural is giving a Halloween lecture on ghosts at a large municipal auditorium.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?" 

About 90 people raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start.  Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've seen a ghost?"  About 40 people raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously.  Has anyone ever talked to a ghost?" 

About 15 people raise their hands.

Next he asks, "Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"  And three people raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one further question ... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?

Way in the back, this biker named Snake raises his hand.

The expert takes off his glasses, and says, "Sir, in all the years I've been giving this lecture; no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.?  You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The big biker gets out of his seat and with a nod and a grin, begins to make his way up to the podium.  When he reached the front of the room, the expert says, "Now, sir, please tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

And the biker replied, "Ghost?  Shit!!!  From way back there I thought you said, 'A Goat'!!"

Cure for baldness

 A biker walked into the local barber shop and ask the old barber if he had anything for baldness.
"I sure do." replied the old barber, without lookin' up from his work, as he clipped away at the man's hair who was sittin' in the barber's chair.
The biker waits a few seconds for the barber to tell him the cure, but the old man just continues his work. "Well ye old gesser, are you gonna' tell me what it is?" The biker ask impatiently.
The old barber finally looks up to see who was speaking to him. "Yeah, I can tell you young feller, but you ain't gonna' believe me when I do".
"Well, you old fucker, you ain't gonna' know until you tell me." The biker was starting to get pissed off.
"Ok young feller. I'll let you in on my little secret. The sure fire cure for your baldness is pussy juice." The old man said with a smile.
The biker busted out with laughter. "why you old son of a bitch, you're even balder than I am."
"Yup, that's true young feller. But now you gotta' admit, I got one hell of a nice bushy mustache !

WHY DOGS SNIFF EACH OTHERS ARSEHOLES

The dogs all had a party
They came from near and far.
Some dogs came by motorbike
And others came by car.

Each dog then signed his name
inside a special book
And then hung up his arsehole
On a designated hook.

One dog was not invited,
And this aroused his ire.
He stormed into the party
And loudly shouted "FIRE!"

In the panic that then followed,
The dogs forgot to look
And grabbed just any asshole
From off the nearest hook.

And that's why when dogs wander
On land or sea or foam,
They sniff each others' arseholes,
To try and find their own!

The Bikers Beard

A flea from Lancaster is sitting on the pier at Blackpool looking at the illuminations when another flea comes and sits beside him. this flea is shivering violently and rubbing his legs together to try and get warm.  "What's wrong with you" says the flea from Lancaster??.  "I've just come all the way from Manchester in a bikers beard and I'm freezing" says the second flea.  "Ahh" says the first flea. you don't want to come up like that. "If you come to Blackpool again, I'll give you a tip..  Wait near the public toilets in Manchester, and if you see a group of girls dressed as nurses or nuns, you can guarantee they'll be off to Blackpool on a hen party.  Follow one into the toilet and jump in her knickers while she's having a pee, and by the time you get here, you'll be warm as toast".

The next week the flea from Lancaster is in his favourite spot when the Mancunian flea comes and sits next to him shivering and rubbing his legs to keep warm.  "Didn't you do what I told you? " said the 1st flea.  "Yeah" said the flea from Manchester, "I dunno what went wrong. I waited outside the toilets in Manchester and sure enough a group of 8 girls went in all dressed as policewomen. So I jumped in one of ems knickers and settled down for my journey to Blackpool. "So what happened next?" said the 1st flea.  "Well" said the flea from Manchester "I was that warm and comfortable in the girls knickers that I fell fast asleep, and when I finally woke up...............

I was in a bleedin' bikers beard !!

The Bowl Of Chilli

A man goes into a cafe and sits down. A waitress comes to take his order, and he asks her, "What's the special of the day? "Chilli," she says, "but the biker next to you got the last bowl." The man says he'll just have coffee, and the waitress goes to fetch it. As he waited, he noticed the biker next to him was eating a full lunch and the bowl of chilli remained uneaten." Are you going to eat your chilli?" he asked." No, help yourself," replied the biker. The man picked up a spoon and eagerly began devouring the chilli. When he got halfway through the bowl, he noticed the body of a dead mouse in the bottom of the bowl. Sickened, he puked the chilli he had just eaten back into the bowl. The Biker sitting next to him says, "Yeah, that's as far as I got, too."

 Kids !!

A ten-year-old boy was walking down the street when a big man on a black & chrome motorcycle pulls up behind him and asks, "Hey kid, wanna go for a ride?"  No!, said the boy, and he kept on walking. The motorcyclist pulls up to him again and says, "Hey kid, I'll give you £10 if you hop on the back." NO!" said the boy and proceeded down the street a little quicker. The motorcyclist pulls up to the boy again and says, "OK kid.  I'll give you £20 and a BIG bag of sweets if you hop on the back for a ride.  At this point the boy turns around to him and screams angrily, " Look Dad, YOU bought a Harley, so you ride it!".

Harley Davidson

Arthur Davidson, of Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven.  At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is this; you can hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.  Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"  God said, "Ah, yes."  "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention: 
1.  There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2.  It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3.  Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much. 
4.  The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust. 
5.  The maintenance costs are outrageous." 
"Hmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God.  "Hold on."  God went to his Celestial Super Computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.  The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.  "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,"  God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours...."!

Worried

 A guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this great big huge biker standing next to him.          The biker sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says,

 "7 feet tall, 350 lbs, 20 inch penis, testicles 3 lbs each and Turner Brown".
 The little guy just faints dead away and falls to the floor.
 The biker kneels down and brings him to, by slapping his face and shaking him.                     He asks, "Are you Ok??"
 In a very weak voice Mike says, "Excuse me, but what did you just say to me?"
 The biker says, "When I saw the curious look on your face, I just figured I'd give you the answers to    the questions everyone always asks me.

 "I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 lbs, have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 lbs each, and my name is       Turner Brown."
         

             The little guy said, "Oh Thank God!!! I thought you said 'Turn Around!'"